A Decade of Challenging Assumptions

This is a continuation of my series of posts discussing the 10th anniversary of 9/11, today I discuss some of the ways the events effected me in the years to come.

The events of 9/11/01 were not over when the sun went down that Tuesday evening.  We all know it took months to clean up the site of Ground Zero and years until plans were officially put into place for how it would be rebuilt.  September 11 was just a day where the initial event took place.  It was a single point in time that served as a pivot point for everything occurring afterward.  The effect these events had on me personally came in the months and years after.

I am the type of inquisitive person who wants to know how everything works.  I'll take things apart, break things into their components and learn as much as I can along the way.  Here is an account of how I had to break apart my Faith, Knowledge and Patriotism in the past decade and challenge my assumptions.

Faith.

Like many Americans, on the day after 9/11, I went to a church.  Nazareth College has a chapel in the Shults center where they set up an altar with candles to be lit in remembrance.  I kneeled in those pews and prayed.  I prayed for the victims and prayed for answers.  The main question on my mind, "Why?"

At that point in time I was a confirmed Catholic and was relatively comfortable with my faith.  My worldview held the position that there were many different religions and paths in which people experienced generally the same God.  We as a people had to learn to accept and tolerate this, hence my perception of how religious tolerance worked.

As we learned more about al Qaeda and Islamic extremism, it did not make sense to me. How can a group of people believe in killing thousands in the name of their God?  How can that God also be my God?  If God has a plan for this world how could it involve flying planes into buildings and killing thousands?  If that's the case, count me out... I want nothing to do with this "plan"!

I was angry with God.  For at least six months after 9/11, I wanted nothing to do with organized religion.  I loathed having to go to church with the family when I returned home from college on my breaks.  I just went through the motions, present in body and not in spirit.

On the first anniversary of 9/11, the local public broadcasting network (WXXI) aired a special on 9/11 and faith.  I watched the special in the Shults center, adjacent to the same chapel I prayed in a year earlier.  A man told a story of going to a peaceful solitary beach after September 11 where he frequently went previously to be in the presence of God.  He had it out with God. He screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs.  He was angry at God too.  I sat and watched holding back tears because I learned I was not alone in feeling this way.

It was not until 2 or 3 years later until I became comfortable going to church again.  But I returned asking questions.  I returned questioning my assumptions.  I was searching for understanding and continue to do so to this day.

Knowledge.

The answers to my questions never came.  Instead of giving up my quest for answers it only prompted me to dig even deeper.  It just so happens, I was in a perfect position to do so.  I was a freshman at a Liberal Arts college campus, the world was my oyster.

For the next four years I crammed every possible history, philosophy, religious studies and political science class that I could fit into my schedule around the required courses for my Biochemistry degree.  I wanted to know everything I could about how this world worked.

I juggled my schedule to attend lectures and seminars on philosophy, ethics and religion every chance I could get.  I studied the foundations of Buddhism and meditated regularly.  I made it a point to follow and understand the news and read about it as much as I could.

I read books with titles I would no doubt have passed over prior to 9/11.  A few years later while visiting my brother in college for Family Weekend we visited the book store.  On a shelf I saw copies of the government's "9/11 Report" and a copy of the "Constitution of the Islamic Republic of Iran".  I bought both.  When I set them down at the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "Trying to figure out this world we live in?" "Yes, I am." I answered with cold unwavering determination.

I resolved to myself that even if it takes my entire life to do so, I will work towards understanding how this world works the way it does.

Patriotism.

Understanding our nation following 9/11 was tougher than I thought.  I began to look differently at the Pledge of Allegiance, National anthem, freedoms, liberties and what it meant to sacrifice your life as a member of the armed forces.  I gained a whole new respect for all of this. At the same time it felt as if our attitude regarding our freedoms and liberties got us in trouble to begin with.  We were America... we could do whatever we wanted in the world!  We enjoyed an economic boom through the 90's and we took it for granted.  We got complacent and took our security for granted.  It was only a matter of time before someone came along and slapped us down to size. Right?

Immediately after 9/11 I resisted the urge to become one of those people who immediately put the flag decal in the window of their cars and wear a flag pin everywhere at all times.  Excessive patriotism is what made us arrogant enough to get into this mess to begin with, right?  Anything in extremes, be it religion or patriotism turned me off.

It took me extensive studies of our history, particularly our founding, before I accepted American exceptionalism again. It took me years to challenge my assumptions. We truly are a nation that is blessed in its resources, freedoms and ability to persevere and rise to the most formidable of challenges.

Yesterday dug a flag pin given to me by my grandfather out of my dresser drawer and wore it... proudly.